DESPONDENT

DESPONDENT:

"feeling or showing extreme discouragement, dejection, or depression; implies a deep dejection arising from a conviction of the uselessness of further effort".

I couldn't agree more with Merriam-Webster. I have tried to push this thought in the farthest recesses of the gray matter swimming in my head but the persistent feeling does not go away.

My husband says that whatever I am experiencing right now is a phase and that it's temporary. I desperately want to believe him. I desperately hang on to Joel Osteen's words on having my Best Life Now. I desperately need to keep myself busy to take my mind off the discouragements that is being served on my plate everyday. But fighting the feeling makes it more persistent - almost tangible.

I would like to sit back and just allow myself to be sucked into the abyss of despair but the fear of not being able to come out of it is more frightening than being desolate.

I have to keep fighting, keep climbing to a higher ground. I will have to reinforce my fragile faith, and keep believing.

This is a phase, it is temporary and I WILL EMERGE THE VICTOR!