THE WOLVES

The wolves are not too hostile today. They bare their teeth at me from a distance. I can hear them growling but they do not come closer. The fear I had of them turned into quiet resignation, annoyance and now, it's simply silly and funny.

I may have been stupid trying to domesticate wolves. After all, like they say, they are still wild animals. And wild animals they shall remain - wild animals I will soon have on a leash.

BACK IN THE WOLVES DEN

There I was, amidst the morning mob, trying not to be crushed as everybody geared up to get in the train doors. With no practice for six months, it took four trains before I was able to ride. Through the doors and into the train, back to back and side to side, sweat mingling against sweat and inhaling anothers breath.

This is the life I swore not to return to, yet here I am, lining up to get on to the lifts. Butterflies were slamming in my stomach, sweat was forming at the back of my neck and I was picturing an unwelcoming party with their teeth bared as the door opened ----

The door opened to an unkempt office and a bathroom I will not even attempt to describe. Beyong the mess were two people I knew deserved my respect. The rest couldn't care less. I am invisible as they walked in, my greetings fell on deaf ears. I was sent to a corner desk and I felt alone, pitied myself and almost cried.

Tomorrow will be different, I will walk in with confidence, march on and show them. I will be the victor. I have returned to conquer the wolves.

THE RETURN - part 1

Today is Sunday - practically the last day of my bummin' around. Tomorrow I am officially one of them elbow shoving, sweat stained commuters fighting for a ride at the Metro Rail. I will also be at the mercy of slave driver bosses - that's right, I will be smack in the middle of things again - something I gave up on but obviously cannot get away from.

I should be excited and proud that I have been asked to rejoin the company I left last year but I cannot deny that I've got butterflies in my stomach and it feels like it is full of acid. I may be overacting or maybe I am not giving enough credit to the people who I will be working with again. I honestly do not know.



I pray that tomorrow will be a successful day for me - I don't mind being left alone - but I hope nobody steps on my toes because I will not be a sheep this time!

DILLEMMA

Today was one hectic day.

Woke up at 6 am and rushed out the door at 7:30 am. Why so early? I had a "supposed" job offer at Star Cruises at Pasay City. I figured it would be a long drive, and it was, and what was worse we made a wrong turn and ended up at NAIA 1 when we were supposed to be at NAIA 3. We got there on time anyway with ten minutes to spare for a smoke break (Thanks to my dada's driving skills).

When I got there, I had to wait for a few minutes for the person in charge to attend to me. What I thought would be a 30-minute process for me to make my decision in the next 10 minutes turned out to be a whole day dillemma.

You see, I was unemployed for six looong months. I've gotten depressed and angry, and then complacent and mere lazy. My Boss from my previous employment came to my rescue asking me to work for her again. Despite all the reservations I had - from delayed salaries, to unprofessional co-workers & the instability of the company - I agreed to go back, after all the salary is exceptional and I wanted to work again instead of wasting brain cells from watching stupid television shows. But most of all - I agreed because my boss is my friend, and she asked me if my going back would be my birthday gift to her.

A week after, I received a call from Star Cruises informing me that I got the job I applied for way back December. This is something new and exciting - I will be one of the first batches of employees to work at the Newport City (The new Fort-Bonifacio-like area in Pasay, across NAIA 3) and also, I believe that this company is more stable than my old one. I am pretty sure that this company has perks too - like incentives and other benefits which again my old company doesn't have BUT only half my pay is taxable.

I am to start work at my old company on Monday and the Job offer will be discussed on Monday as well - I'm supposed to make a decision today but my brain is mush, I have a terrible headache and my thoughts are going around in circles...

...also, my bed is seducing me to succumb into the lull of my soffft sofft pillow and my snuggly blanket...

I am losing the struggle, I will give in to my bed. I will pray for a sign and make the decision the moment I wake up.

Zzzzzzzz.....