BEING A WOMAN...

The pain of being a woman is killing me.

Being a woman means you have to look decent when you have coffee on your patio – brush your hair, have decent clothes or else you’d scare every kid that passes by your house with your hurricane-torn-do, rumpled and crumpled and hopefully not inside out pj’s and bloodshot eyes!

Being a woman means having to make yourself up every morning, careful to draw your eyebrows with precision, making sure that each arch is geometrically identical!

Being a woman means smiling through your melting make up, praying that it does not leave any colorful streaks on your face while lining up to get a ride.

Being a woman means you have to be color coordinated, the prints of your top should compliment your skirt or pants or at least they match, or your purse or bag should match the color of your shoes.

Being a woman means you have to take several trips to the bathroom, making sure your ass does not touch the toilet seat, and flushing the toilet with your foot. But some toilets have the flush button on top of the water tank making it really difficult to flush with your feet.

Being a woman means checking and rechecking how you look on a full length mirror and if you only have the pocket-sized ones, it should be at a certain angle to enable you to see your reflection. Just imagine if you only have a compact mirror and you would have to twist your body in one direction and actually twist your neck to be able to look in the opposite direction while holding it!

Being a woman means you check your reflection on anything that actually shows your reflection, shop windows (this usually entails crashing onto oncoming human traffic), car windows (you usually miss the go sign for pedestrians when you do this), elevator mirrors (it’s quite hard to check your reflection if the elevator is packed and you may also miss your floor) and any freaking shiny surface!

Being a woman means you have to have a bag inside a bag that has all your make up. Your bag is actually a container for anything and everything: wallet, medicines, a brush or comb, set of keys, cell phone, sometimes two, an i-pod, perfume, pictures for Identification cards (just in case you need them), one or two pens, an umbrella.. etc.. etc... Good thing they make mini versions of everything or else every woman will be lugging a suit case to work!

Being a woman means you cannot pig out – well at least for some. I pig out. (secretly… hehe) You actually order a salad for lunch BUT you buy a tall mocha frappe which is half whipped cream!

Being a woman means you have to endure walking on four-inch stilettos to a meeting and try not to show how you would very much like to take off the damn stilettos and walk barefoot!

Being a woman means you cannot go straight to bed and sleep, you have to wash your face, wipe your make up off -- only to put gazillion tons of cream on it again and hope to wake up beautiful.

Good thing it’s a Saturday today (no work! Yey!) and I can look like shit all day.